Jokes about Men...

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crisis?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men know About Women

What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
Gifted.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know. It's never happened.

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken, and the ones that are left are handicapped.