THE CANDYWRAPPER

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss
Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth
Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart,
how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"
Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure
Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it
was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I
could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her
tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"
Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't
be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste
of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&gngeM, but I said,
"hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces,
don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit
and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she
was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three
Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her
Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when
all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she
started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure
enough, nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth!